So Close Yet So Far
As Ben pulled the seatbelt across his chest and fumbled around trying to find the buckle, his body was tossed forward and back three times as Richard slammed on the brakes, sped up, slammed on the brakes, and continued to repeat this method of driving.
Finally, secured in his seat, all Ben could think was, “Please don’t want to talk…”, and before he arrived at “… to me,” out from Richard’s mouth came, “Some lousy weather out there, huh?”
“At least it isn’t snowing yet,” replied Ben, hoping that was the extent of the conversation.
“Yea, I’ve been drivin’ for a few years now, and I can’t believe all the people who don’t have an umbrella. Don’t they check the weather when they get up? I check the weather every morning, you know, because my job depends on it. I love rain and snow, more people need rides, and traffic usually sucks so my rate goes up. I see you’re going across the city?”
“Yea, I normally work in the suburbs, but they want me in the city for a…” started Ben.
“Meeting? Yea, bosses are trying that ‘Get your ass back to work’ shit, but a lot of people don’t want to go to the office. I love it, the ‘get back to work’ shit. Keeps me making money. What do you do?”
“Accounting,” Ben mumbled, wondering if Richard was ever going to stop talking.
“Ahh, a bean counter. Do people even call you dudes ‘bean counters’ anymore, I mean, there aren’t any beans being counted, all that crap is done by computers. I never really got into computers. I mean, I had to at least learn how to use my cell phone so I could have this job, but I wish I was alive back in the day when taxis were cool. I would have loved that, pulling that lever shit down like I saw in that Danny DeVito TV show.”
“You mean the show, “Taxi?” Ben asked, trying to subtly hint that he was thinking Richard was kind of stupid.
“Is that what that was called? Yea, that’s the one with the redhead, ain’t it? I watch the old re-runs. Damn, she was hot. I mean, not hot like some of those “Friend” girls, but she was one tough bitch when she needed to be.”
Ben started to get a little uncomfortable as the conversation started to shift, and he realized the car had only made it over the river. Two blocks down, and about 15 more to go.
Richard’s conversation continued, “Yea, I was like five years old when “Friends” came out, and let me tell you, watching that one chick, I mean, wow, I was only five and wanted to, well, you know what I mean, don’t you?”
Ben had no desire to keep the conversation drifting in the direction that Richard wanted to go, “So, how long have you been driving?”
“What, you don’t want to talk about that “Friends” show? Didn’t you ever see it? Well, I’ve been drivin’ about four years now. I was one of the first dudes rolling around. Now it sucks, everyone thinks they can just get the app and make a million dollars. Ain’t no one makin’ a million dollars doing this shit, that’s for sure. Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t looking for handouts, but this President has been doing such a shitty job, I can’t afford shit anymore.”
“Great,” Ben thought, “from “Friends” to politics. Shit.”
The drastic starting and stopping continued, at times having Ben bracing for impact and other times having Ben grateful he didn’t have breakfast yet. In his head he thought, “Of all days to get this guy as a driver. How the hell does he have a 4.7 rating?”
“Yea, I hate politics, but this dude in office sucks. I voted for that other dude, what was his name? Ah, don’t matter anyway, all the government is shit. I mean, I pay my taxes, but why are the roads so shitty, and when I go to buy shit, somebody is making a ton of money, it just ain’t me.”
“Damn, traffic is shitty today,” Richard brought up, which Ben had already figured out, “I know this shortcut.”
Before Ben could mention he read about a protest happening in the city, a protest Richard was now going to be driving directly towards, the car took a sharp, left turn down an alley. As Richard began speeding down the alley, Ben knew exactly what was coming when the car got to the next street.
“Shit, what the hell are all these people doing in the street? Can’t they see it’s raining? Sorry, man, this is usually a shortcut.”
Ben sunk his chin to his chest, wondering if maybe his best option was to just ditch Richard, get out of the car, and start walking.
“You know dude,” said Richard, “I like you. You seem to know your shit.”
Ben thought this an odd comment since, over the course of four city blocks, he had said maybe twenty words to Richard.
“Sorry about this traffic, dude. I don’t get the protesting shit. I mean, I’m no racist…”
Ben was ready for the worst of the worst to come out of Richard’s mouth as no comment beginning with, “I’m no racist,” ever ends without something racist.
“… but what the hell, can’t these people get a job? I mean, I’m at least driving people around for the crap I make. I don’t ask for any handouts. Sometimes I just want to run these people over, but I know I would be the one in trouble, not them for walking in the street.”
At this point, Ben started to shift a little in his seat, becoming more and more uncomfortable as Richard revved the engine, seemingly ready to run people over as he had mentioned.
Richard continued his commentary, “Don’t worry, dude, I ain’t running these assholes over, but damn, I would like to.”
“Maybe I should just get out of the car,” Ben seriously considered. “I just don’t want to piss this guy off. I know he would end up giving me a crappy rating as a customer.”
Just then there was an opening in the crowd. Richard gunned the car through the protesters, narrowly missing a few of them as they headed for the sidewalks to get out of Richard’s way. A few of the people in the crowd cursed at the car, and as Richard drove past the crowd, he opened his window. The rain came through the open window and started to spray on Ben, who was now leaning over to the other side of the seat. Ben’s seatbelt, however, kept the rest of his body planted in the path of the incoming rain. Richard reached his hand out the window and gave the middle finger to the protesters behind him.
As Richard closed his window, he said, “Sorry about that, dude, it needed to be done.”
Ben wiped some of the wetness off of his face and hands from the initial onslaught of water, and his coat was now damp. As much as Ben hated it, though, Richard’s aggressive move made up for lost time. As the crowd filled back into the street behind the car, Ben knew he would definitely be late if Richard didn’t charge through the crowd.
With only four blocks to go, Ben was starting to feel he might just make it to his meeting on time. He started to gather his bag so that he could be ready to get out of the car the minute Richard pulled up to his building.
Richard turned his eyes from the road, looking into the back seat at Ben.
“See, I knew this shortcut would work, dude.”
Out of the corner of his eye, while trying to avoid eye contact with Richard, Ben could see the stop sign coming for the next intersection with Richard seeming to have no chance to realize it was there. With his heart already in his chest, Ben wanted to yell at Richard, “Stop!” but, similar to earlier, all he could think about was he didn’t want to piss off Richard. Then, in a millisecond, Ben saw a man on the corner getting ready to step off into the crosswalk. The man was looking down at his phone, but the stride of his walking suggested he assumed any cars coming to the crosswalk would stop at the stop sign.
Suddenly, without turning back around, Richard slammed on his brakes, almost as if he knew there was both the stop sign coming up and that the man had stepped into the crosswalk. As Richard’s head calmly swiveled to face forward, his car stopped just short of hitting the man who was now right in front of Richard’s car, which miraculously stopped inches before the crosswalk paint.
“Hey, asshole, watch where you’re going!”, yelled the man who was almost run over.
In the blink of an eye, Richard jumped out of his car, slammed his door closed, and began charging at the man. Ben could partially hear the yelling, and while he wasn’t completely positive, it sounded like Richard was spewing the most hateful rant of speech at a human that Ben had ever heard.
“Shit, what do I do? Do I get out and walk? Now what? Should I say something to this guy that his actions aren’t acceptable and I’m offended?”
As quickly as Ben’s thoughts spun through his head, Richard flew back into the car. The man Richard had almost run over was walking away, constantly turning around to curse out Richard.
“Jesus, dude, that guy wasn’t even looking at the intersection, just looking at his phone. He’s gonna get run over someday.”
Ben kept his mouth shut, just praying that somehow the ride for the last couple of blocks could go by in a few seconds.
As Ben was looking through the windshield that was barely kept clear by the swishing of the windshield wipers, he could see his office building. As the words came out of Ben’s mouth, his head couldn’t believe what he was saying, “You seemed a little hard on that guy back there.”
Richard slammed on the brakes and turned around, looking at Ben as if he wished Ben was in front of his car so he could run him over.
“Get the fuck out of my car.”
“But my office is right up there?” was all Ben could respond, still shocked at his previous sentence.
“I don’t give a shit. You don’t like my driving, get out of my car.”
Ben quickly grabbed his bag, almost shaking, worried Richard was going to come after him in a similar fashion to how he charged the man in the crosswalk.
The rain came down heavier as Ben went to close the car door, but before he could completely close it, Richard sped off yelling, “Have a nice day, asshole!”